


in silent screams, in wildest dreams

by chocolatebirdie



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, nebulous post-abduction future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:29:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24278158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebirdie/pseuds/chocolatebirdie
Summary: Alex snorts, leaning back into the chair. “I have more clarity these days, I guess.” He sighs. “Look, I was wrong about my dad. But I realized I do have other people. I have Gregory. I have Liz, and Maria. I . . . I have you.”Michael doesn’t hesitate. “Always.”~*~after alex is kidnapped, and the dust has settled some, alex and michael have a much-needed talk about their last conversation (and just maybe, they begin to heal.)
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 96





	in silent screams, in wildest dreams

**Author's Note:**

> this shit just refused to not be written! i was up till 2:30 in the morning, just trying to go to sleep, when another line would pop into my head. don't get me wrong, i love when that happens (bc 100% of what i write is pure self indulgence, thank u @my own creativity), but also, i wanted to fuckin sleep. damn.
> 
> title from this love by taylor swift, which also came to me at 2:30 as an ICONIC malex song

“I'm sorry about what I said, about you believing there's some good in your dad.”

Michael’s sitting on Alex’s couch, nursing a beer in complete silence. He’s not sure if it’s awkward because Michael’s not good with silence, or because they’ve never gone this long in silence without sex being involved, or if there is actual tension between the two of them.

“Guerin, I was literally just kidnapped. I think it was fair to say what I thought was stupid.” Alex smiles a little sadly, like his being stupid is some kind of inevitability. And Michael just can’t have that.

“No, Alex, that was just me . . . bringing my own shit into this.” He takes a breath, preparing to say what he’d come over for in the first place. “You were right. The anger felt safe. The anger's always felt safe. I guess I've, I've never really gotten over the shit that happened when I was in foster care. Or being abandoned by my mother . . . even if it was unintentional. But you? You see the good in everyone, all the time. Always.” Michael shakes his head. “I honestly don't get how you do that, it's exhausting if I even think about it too long.”

“Michael, there's not - there's not a wrong way to process abuse. There's ways that are less healthy for yourself than others, but how you choose to handle what you went through is your own. And nobody can really understand that but you - not me, not your siblings. But just because you went through it alone doesn't mean you have to _keep_ going through it alone. You know?” Alex is sitting close to Michael in the adjacent chair; his hand twitches, and Michael thinks maybe Alex wants to put it on Michael’s knee. He wishes he would.

“Didn't you just get kidnapped, like, last week? Shouldn't I be your therapist, not the other way around?”

Alex snorts, leaning back into the chair. “I have more clarity these days, I guess.” He sighs. “Look, I was wrong about my dad. But I realized I do have other people. I have Gregory. I have Liz, and Maria. I . . . I have you.”

Michael doesn’t hesitate. “Always.”

“Michael – ”

“Look, I don't mean to be a dick – more of a dick than I already have been, anyway – but losing you, thinking I lost you, was one of the worst things that's ever happened to me.” He swallows thickly, eyes glazing a bit as he remembers the loud, overwhelming terror that had possessed him. He doesn’t envy anyone who was around him while they were searching for Alex – in fact, if it wasn’t an inherently terrible thing to say, he’s pretty sure they would all tell Alex he was lucky he didn’t have to see it firsthand.

“Thought that was love,” Alex murmurs.

Michael closes his eyes, pained and a little embarrassed. He’s not sure how that got back to Alex, but he wishes to God it hadn’t. Michael has always been hotheaded, and he has gotten himself in one too many scrapes by saying things he shouldn’t, but none are worse than the ones he doesn’t mean, the words he spews simply to hurt.

“Love was never the worst thing that happened to me. It was all that other shit that happened because of it, but love . . . love brought me Isobel. And Max. Maria. Even Liz, but don't tell her I said that.” Michael smirks, thinking of his ever-evolving friendship with Liz, before his gaze softens. “It brought me you.”

Alex looks away, but Michael sees him smiling, the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“Alex, can I – ” He sways into Alex's space; their foreheads nearly touch, and his eyes flutter shut. He grabs the lapels of Alex's jacket and holds on for dear life. When they found Alex, he'd engulfed him, hands running frantically over Alex's face, his arms, his chest. His brain knew Alex was alive - he could see it himself - but it's like his body needed its own confirmation. That was his excuse then.

He has no excuse now.

His hands cup Alex's jaw tenderly, in a way he hasn't been able to since The Incident. One hand drops to rub up and down Alex's arm, and he can hear Alex's breaths getting shorter. His hand finds its way under the hem of Alex's t-shirt, thumbing at his hip, and Alex's breath hitches.

Michael leans in – not that they could get much closer – until his lips are almost on Alex's. He doesn't want to open his eyes to check on Alex, too afraid of ruining the moment, so he gives him a pause to back out. He doesn't.

Michael's lips meet Alex's, so slowly it's almost painful. There's none of the heat and desire that usually accompanies their kisses, but there is a want, so deep and ingrained in Michael he can feel it in his bones. He guides his tongue into his mouth, teasing but steady. Alex starts to tug on his curls and he knows where this could go – where it always goes. But for once it's not what Michael wants, and it's not what either of them needs. Instead he lets his tongue shape the words he could not speak, his hands explain the emotions he cannot describe. With every kiss, with every touch, he tells Alex: I love you. I love you. I will always love you.

And when Alex sucks on his lip, and threads through his curls, and wraps him in his arms, he knows he is saying it all back.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't want to go into detail in case i wind up being wrong, but i feel like jesse has to be involved SOMEhow, (whether he's the one that did it or he tipped someone off about alex's whereabouts) bc it is just Not Normal to put a bug on your child. also, bc he still sucks ass, whether he had fuck all to do with it or not.
> 
> i didn't put it in bc exposition-through-dialogue or whatever its called is not my jam, but in my opinion michael and maria break up post-kidnapping because, as my gf (who has never seen the show but puts up with my excessive rambling) put it, "you know as soon as alex gets kidnapped, michael's gonna be like 'ohh never mind! i don't love you as much as i love him.'" she's right and she should say it!
> 
> as always, you can find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/kiwiiesbian), and maybe check out my [malex playlist](http://open.spotify.com/playlist/6uEnk15AFKZdJOOzynj6GR?si=NI4BbxfLQeGEx98mgZyF6Q) :) 
> 
> p.s. shoutout to my fellow grads! we did it, go celebrate! unless u have to study for ur boards like me :(


End file.
